Worst Parent Ever

April 4, 2010


This article could have just as easily read:

Proving once again his tenuous understanding of even the most basic tasks associated with parenting, Michael Lohan is holding a press conference in reaction to his daughters breakdown.

 An independent study conducted by the University of London revealed that of all the possible reactions to the ongoing emotional and mental degeneration of your child, “holding a press conference” did not even place in the top 100. 

Number one was “hugging your child”.

In an effort to claim the mantel of “humanities worst parent” from the Balloon Boy’s father, Michael Lohan has also had the following inappropriate reaction to Lindsay’s other problems.

  • When she was 6 and had a nightmare about camels, he called her agent and booked her on Circus of the Stars
  • During a crying fit after losing three straight roles to Mandy Moore, he reallocated a portion of her 401K to Mutual Funds
  • After hitting her head during a cocaine binge, he issued a statement through his lawyer stating he would not seek an injunction against Popeye’s chicken
  • When tearfully approaching him at home saying “God sakes help me please help me please be my father” he filmed the incident and sold it to Entertainment Tonight.