Mercy and new content is for the weak

November 13, 2008

Today’s feature – written by DENING! 

So was watching the Karate kid on AMC this week. Also found out the bad ‘remake’ news that they’re revamping it with Will Smith’s little kid.  Bad enough that there will be no ‘riding that Happy Days wave of fame’ awesome Myagi ‘Pat’ Morita or the ‘endless youth’ of a 32 year old
Macchio in his prime, but could the ruin it worse with bad casting ? Let’s throw in Martin Lawrence as the hip-hop sensei too.
D.J. Jazzy Myagi anyone?
Watching the original I noticed much like Rocky IV it possesses a wealth of great catchy montage music set to an underdog combatent’s training.  Joe Esposito’s “You’re the best” has got to be up there with the Graham Bros slow build Rocky IV training montage. I may start ‘working out’ to it.
Seriously – give it a listen – it’ll put a little ‘fuck-ya’ into your step.
I especially love that ‘Lamar’ from Revenge of the Nerds is the token black Cobra Kai that gets smoked by Daniel-san in the first fight.  I’ve only seen that guy in the aforementioned movies and Iron Eagle, but in each he was barely a lisp away from being recast as a girl.   ‘Token’s’
mom also must’ve had to pay extra for him to get into a class with no-pussy’s allowed Kreese. Speaking of… you’ve got to assume that NO Cobra Kai student ever actually had a parent meet that teacher.
“What do you teach at your school?”
“Some Karate… And that mercy is for the weak.”
“Right…so I make the check out to ‘Cobra Kai’ then?”
Something else I don’t get: So Ralph Macchio’s character is from Newark, New Jersey right? 
Newark!  Uh… wasn’t that like one the crime capitals of The States back in 1984.  Police don’t even drive around in Newark – they just get NYC choppers to do fly by’s.  I swear they actually have billboards all over the city about the crime rates.
How the hell did this Guinea kid from Jersey run into any problems with Johnny, Bobby, Dutch and those other blond fops from the “Valley”.
They should of been his bitches.
…Then I remember – he was built like Ralph Macchio.
Question: Is there a bigger group of douchebags in any other teen movie? Even The Soc’s weren’t as big of assholes as The Kai.
Just sayin’.
Sweep the leg.